I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
