mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
