im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
