Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
