I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize