My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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