That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize