3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
