My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
