so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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