the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
