how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
