Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
