Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
