You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
