I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
