Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
