is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
