Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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