I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The power of my boobs compel you
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
