Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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