I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
