ugly people sure do ruin things
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
