is your mom at the bar?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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