The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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