when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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