sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
