he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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