your thong is hanging out like whoa
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
