Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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