evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
