so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
