see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
