How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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