Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
