he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
