Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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