yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
