I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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