Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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