the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
