I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
