Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
