Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just pee around me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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