If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
