Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Mom said you looked used
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
