thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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