Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
