By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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