Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
