i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
