I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
