i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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