walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize