my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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