your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
