he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
