ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
