Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
