There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to calm my uterus...
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