Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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