I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
