And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
