my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
