you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize