My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
