I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
