Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
