I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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