I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
