We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Let's paint friendship bongs
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
