she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
