Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize