it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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