Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
