I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
