he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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