Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My room smells like vodka and shame
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
