Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
