im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize