my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
