remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
