She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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