just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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