Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
