Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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