are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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