I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
