I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
