Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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