just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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