my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
